Adoption as another option

Words by Alec Slovenec

For pregnant women who are not ready to parent a child, adoption has always been a viable option. Adoption helps the birth mother give her child a good life, and it gives adoptive parents a chance to achieve a life-long dream.

“They’re making an adoption plan to place their baby,” says Adoption Assessor Megan Kennedy. “Women that are making a plan for their child are doing it because at this time in their life, they can’t parent their child.”

Megan Kennedy has worked as an adoption assessor since 2009. Kennedy says she always knew she wanted to do social work, and believes that working with adoption was what she was “meant to do.”

Kennedy works for Adoption by Gentle Care, a nonprofit, private adoption agency that has served both adoptive parents and birth mothers since 1985. According to its website, it facilitates about 70 adoptions per year.

Of its many clients, Adoption by Gentle Care has been helping Darren Bade and his wife adopt. The Bade family have been in the process of adopting since October 2017 and are still working through the paperwork.

“We’re mostly finished with a profile telling about who we are, that both the agency and we ourselves can distribute to try to find a potential birth parent who is interested in the adoption process and who might see us and think, ‘yeah, these are the people who’d I’d like to be the parents of my child’” says Bade.

Bade is an associate professor at Kent State University and teaches in the biological sciences department. He and his wife are both in their early 40s and decided to adopt when they were unsuccessful at getting pregnant.

Of the many reasons couples decide to adopt, this is the most common, according to Pam Hook, executive director of Adoption Circle.

“Infertility, that would probably be the number one –  that they tried to start their family and they’re unable to get pregnant,” says Hook. “Sometimes people just feel that there’s a calling to adopt. That they’ve always wanted to give a child that needed a home a home.”

Adoption Circle, like Adoption by Gentle Care, is a nonprofit that facilitates adoptions, averaging 45 per year. Like Kennedy, Hook has a “passion for adoption.”

“It’s a very rewarding career that we work in,” says Hook.

As rewarding as adoption can be, couples looking to adopt must jump through several hurdles in order to adopt. There are required inspections of their home and interviews from social workers to prove that they are fit to parent. Bane says that his entire house has been childproofed for months.

“It does sound pretty rigorous,  but it’s pretty relaxed for the most part,” says Bade. “It’s really kind of a formality.”

In addition to inspections, parents adopting newborns through private agencies will often spend around $25,000-$30,000 in fees. Both Hook and Kennedy cited finances as the most common deterrent in holding couples back from adopting.

Despite the many costs, evaluations and paperwork, Bade is committed to adopting; he says that him and his wife have always wanted to raise a child. However, he admits that he is uncertain and worried about the future.

“The biggest thing has just been our own slow progression forward, which is partly probably due to fear,” says Bade. It’s a big step forward and we’re afraid to go super gung-ho into it but we’ve been making steady process all along.”

Bade says that one the most stressful parts of adoption is that it can happen abruptly. Families can go through the months of waiting, and then suddenly be alerted that they will be receiving a child the night before delivery.

“You might get a call in the middle of the night that says ‘there’s someone who’s interested in adoption at the hospital, are you interested? Can you be there in a moment’s notice?’” says Bade. “You don’t have that nine month’s warning lead time to sort of think about it and that’s partially why in some of these inspections and things, they’re looking to see if you’re house is ready.”

When asked if he had any advice for prospective adoptive parents, Bade suggests that they reach out to others who have previously adopted.

“Those people tend to be very supportive of other parents who are interested in becoming adoptive parents,” says Bade. “And so you can find a lot of support in those circles of other people who have adopted.”